If there's one point we emphasized in Part 1 of this series, it was that the goal of godly parenting is not mere behavior modification but heart transformation. That's what we're after, because that's what God is after. Our Lord Jesus said in Luke 6:45, "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
One of the parents in her comments on the last posting made reference to Ted Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart. The first key thought of the book is: The heart determines behavior. Certainly this includes speech, as Jesus indicated in Luke 6:45. But it goes beyond that to include all sorts of behavior (see Mark 7:21-23). What we say and do on the outside is but a reflection of what's really on the inside. Therefore, teaching good manners begins with the training of the heart.
What's the goal of every Christian? To glorify God by becoming like Christ. The apostle Paul set forth the example of Christ as the basis for being considerate of others when he said, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:4-5). Self-sacrificing love is at the heart of good manners.
It's important to remember, too, that Christ is not only our pattern; He is also our power. After telling believers to follow the example of Christ, Paul says Christians can do this, "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13). In Christ we find both the pattern and the power to do what is right!
So it all begins with the heart. Children, like adults, are by nature self-centered. But in Christ we are able to put the interests of others before our own.
Now, with this in mind, how can we as parents consciously teach and train our children to have good manners? Let me start off with four basic elements offered by Kent and Barbara Hughes in their helpful book, Disciplines of a Godly Family:
1. Teach your children that they are not the center of the universe; God is. Everything they have, even life itself, is a gift from God. The Scriptures command all God's children to be grateful people who perpetually give thanks (1 Thess. 5:18; Phil. 4:6; Rom. 1:21). Self-pity and egocentricity are telltale signs of a self-centered, grouchy heart. Manners move us away from self.
2. Help your children discover that courtesy brings joy. We can find genuine pleasure in helping those in need, whether it's an elderly woman needing assistance across the street or the person seated across the dinner table whose glass needs filling.
3. Set the example. Be gracious yourself. Let your example include being courteous to your own children when correcting their manners. Don't embarrass them. (Fletcher's footnote: This issue of parents being an example was another issue that was raised in people's comments on the last posting. The influence of our own example cannot be underestimated! How can we teach our children to be gracious if we ourselves our rude? Good manners must begin with us!)
4. Understand that teaching ordinary, everyday etiquette will take disciplined work on your part.
Good manners are not developed with a passive "let go and let God" kind of mentality. No, it is precisely because we have the power of Christ within us that we are to give ourselves vigorously to this endeavor. Paul himself said, "To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily" (Col. 1:29). There you have it: a personal effort that is fueled by God's energy. Well-mannered believers make a conscious, deliberate effort to serve others conscientiously and consistently by the power of God for the glory of God.
Next time we'll delve into the specific area of speech. Between now and then, how about reading Philippians 2 with your children? Talk about the example of Christ and how we can pursue His likeness in this area by allowing the Lord to fill our hearts with His love and power? You can even point out, as Paul did, how Timothy and Epaphroditus did this (see verses 19-30), then think of ways in which you and your kids can demonstrate selfless service in your own lives.
May the grace of God go to work in your hearts and in your home as you obey His Word in the power of His Holy Spirit!
One of the parents in her comments on the last posting made reference to Ted Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart. The first key thought of the book is: The heart determines behavior. Certainly this includes speech, as Jesus indicated in Luke 6:45. But it goes beyond that to include all sorts of behavior (see Mark 7:21-23). What we say and do on the outside is but a reflection of what's really on the inside. Therefore, teaching good manners begins with the training of the heart.
What's the goal of every Christian? To glorify God by becoming like Christ. The apostle Paul set forth the example of Christ as the basis for being considerate of others when he said, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:4-5). Self-sacrificing love is at the heart of good manners.
It's important to remember, too, that Christ is not only our pattern; He is also our power. After telling believers to follow the example of Christ, Paul says Christians can do this, "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13). In Christ we find both the pattern and the power to do what is right!
So it all begins with the heart. Children, like adults, are by nature self-centered. But in Christ we are able to put the interests of others before our own.
Now, with this in mind, how can we as parents consciously teach and train our children to have good manners? Let me start off with four basic elements offered by Kent and Barbara Hughes in their helpful book, Disciplines of a Godly Family:
1. Teach your children that they are not the center of the universe; God is. Everything they have, even life itself, is a gift from God. The Scriptures command all God's children to be grateful people who perpetually give thanks (1 Thess. 5:18; Phil. 4:6; Rom. 1:21). Self-pity and egocentricity are telltale signs of a self-centered, grouchy heart. Manners move us away from self.
2. Help your children discover that courtesy brings joy. We can find genuine pleasure in helping those in need, whether it's an elderly woman needing assistance across the street or the person seated across the dinner table whose glass needs filling.
3. Set the example. Be gracious yourself. Let your example include being courteous to your own children when correcting their manners. Don't embarrass them. (Fletcher's footnote: This issue of parents being an example was another issue that was raised in people's comments on the last posting. The influence of our own example cannot be underestimated! How can we teach our children to be gracious if we ourselves our rude? Good manners must begin with us!)
4. Understand that teaching ordinary, everyday etiquette will take disciplined work on your part.
Good manners are not developed with a passive "let go and let God" kind of mentality. No, it is precisely because we have the power of Christ within us that we are to give ourselves vigorously to this endeavor. Paul himself said, "To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily" (Col. 1:29). There you have it: a personal effort that is fueled by God's energy. Well-mannered believers make a conscious, deliberate effort to serve others conscientiously and consistently by the power of God for the glory of God.
Next time we'll delve into the specific area of speech. Between now and then, how about reading Philippians 2 with your children? Talk about the example of Christ and how we can pursue His likeness in this area by allowing the Lord to fill our hearts with His love and power? You can even point out, as Paul did, how Timothy and Epaphroditus did this (see verses 19-30), then think of ways in which you and your kids can demonstrate selfless service in your own lives.
May the grace of God go to work in your hearts and in your home as you obey His Word in the power of His Holy Spirit!