I've been "down in the dumps" the last day or two. It doesn't help that I have a cold, as that has a way of dragging one down. Also, I find that I experience a bit of a let-down after an exhilarating conference or retreat, such as the one we had last weekend.
But in my heart I knew there was something more. Something else was contributing to this state of discouragement. One or two more external factors could be named that I know have come into play, but I also know that the real problem has arisen from within, not without.
So I began to do some heart-searching. Certain sins and shortcomings came to mind: I don't pray enough, I don't witness enough, I'm too impatient with my kids, I lack administration skills; I should be wiser than I am - as a husband, a parent, a pastor, and so on and so forth. I confessed these sins to the Lord and asked Him to forgive me and to help me, acknowledging that without Him I can't do anything. I thanked Him for His mercy and grace, His love and patience, as I wrapped up my time of meditation and prayer.
Still, the cloud of despondency remained over me. I didn't feel much better at all. I went down to my study, and there a pamphlet caught my eye. It was one that had been given out (along with a bunch of other "freebies") at an expositors' conference I attended in early October. The title of this particular pamphlet was Honey out of the Rock. It was a devotional piece by Thomas Wilcox (1621-1687) that could be read in a half-hour or less. The title appealed to me - sounded like a good "pick-me-up" sort of topic, so I began reading.
What I found was something I didn't expect: a deliberation on the doctrine of justification. My initial thought was: "Oh, I already know about that. In fact, our speaker alluded to it this past weekend. Justification is an instantaneous legal act by God whereby He declares me to be righteous by crediting my sins to Christ on the cross, and crediting Christ's righteousness to me. This transaction is made by faith, as I put my trust solely in Christ for the forgiveness of my sins."
I know this, and I wondered why a pamphlet written for the sake of believers would camp out on this doctrine. But as I read on, I found out why. Here's what Wilcox said that really hit me:
When a sense of guilt is raised up, take heed of getting it allayed in any way but by Christ's blood; all other ways will tend to harden the conscience. Make Christ your peace (Eph. 2:14); not your duties, your tears, etc. You may oppose Christ by duties as well as by sins.
I kept reading that last statement over and over. Usually I think of offending Christ by the bad things I do, not the good things I do! But if I become fixated with myself -with how good I'm doing or how bad I'm doing as a believer - and fail to look to Christ as my righteousness, then I have lost sight of the gospel, have grieved the Spirit of Christ, and have lost the ground of joy.
Earnest believers, beware of this pitfall! In our attempts to please Christ, we actually oppose Christ if we focus on how we're doing instead of who we are in Christ. Here I'm going to quote Wilcox at length, so you can really grasp the practical implications of our justification. Please take the time to read over the next several paragraphs carefully.
Stand with all your weight upon Christ's righteousness. Take heed of having one foot on your righteousness, another on Christ's. Till Christ come and sit upon a throne of grace in the conscience, there is nothing but guilt, terrors, secret suspicions, the soul hanging between hope and fear.... Whoever is afraid to see sin's utmost vileness, and to confess the desperate wickedness of his own heart, suspects the merits of Christ....
You complain much of yourself. Do your sins make you look more at the righteousness of Christ, less at your own? - that is right; otherwise complaining is but hypocrisy. To be looking at duties, graces, enlargements, when you should be looking at Christ, that is pitiful, and will make you proud. Looking at Christ's grace will make you humble. In all your temptations be not discouraged (James 1:2). Those surges may be intended, not to drown you, but to heave off from yourself on to the Rock of Christ.
Do not legalize the gospel as if part remained for you to do, or suffer, and Christ were but a half Mediator; as if you must bear part of your own sin, and make some satisfaction. Let sin break your heart, but not your hope in the gospel.
Look more at justification than sanctification. In the highest commands consider Christ, not as an exacter to require, but as a debtor, an undertaker, to work in you and for you. If you have looked at your resolutions, endeavors, workings, duties, qualifications, etc., more than at the merits of Christ, it will cost you dear. No wonder you go mourning.... Every day your workings, your self-sufficiency, must be destroyed.
Many call Christ Saviour; few know Him to be so. To see grace and salvation in Christ is the greatest sight in the world.
Christ's obedience and sufferings, not your sanctification, must be your justification before God.... He that sets up his sanctification to look at for comfort, sets up a great idol, which will but strengthen his doubts and fears. But do look off from Christ, and presently, like Peter, you sink in doubts.
The Great Physician has spoken! He has correctly diagnosed the cause of my discouragement! Self-fixation is my problem; looking to Christ is my cure!
I have already written too much for one blog posting, but allow me to close with these final exhortations from Wilcox:
A Christian never [lacks] comfort, but by breaking the order and method of the gospel, looking on his own, and looking off from Christ's perfect righteousness, which is to choose rather to live by candlelight, than by the light of the sun. The honey that you suck from your own righteousness, will turn into perfect gall, and the light that you take from that to walk in, will turn into black night upon the soul. Satan is tempting you by putting you to plod about your own grace, to get comfort from it. There the Father comes and points you to Christ's grace - as rich, as glorious, as infinitely pleasing to Him, and bids you study Christ's righteousness. And His biddings are enablings - a blessed power - a sweet whisper checking your unbelief. Follow the least hint; close with much prayer; prize it as an invaluable jewel, it is an earnest for more to come.
If you would pray, and cannot, and are so discouraged, see Christ praying for you.... If you are troubled, see Christ your peace (Eph. 2:14).... You who have seen Christ as ALL, and yourself absolutely nothing, who make Christ all your life, and are dead to all righteousness besides; you are the Christian, one highly beloved, who has found favour with God, a favorite of heaven.