"Boys Will Be Boys": Some Final Thoughts

As you can see, there were no shortage of comments regarding Al Mohler’s blog on ADHD. Thanks to all those who contributed to the discussion! Now I would like to ADD a few comments of my own (pun intended).



According to the Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV (the manual listing and describing psychiatric disorders recognized by the American Psychiatric Association), ADD (Attention Deficit Discorder) is characterized by inattention and impulsivity. ADHD includes a third characteristic: hyperactivity (hence the addition of the ‘h’ in the abbreviation).



I checked out a detailed list of symptoms for each of these three areas (inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity) by going directly to the DSM-IV criteria for Attention-Deficity/Hyperactivity Disorder. What struck me about these symptoms is that they can characterize almost any child (especially boys) – and some adults – on just about any given day, at varying degrees and levels. Thus it is difficult to ascertain as to whether one is dealing with a disorder or a discipline issue.



When you think about it, ADD/ADHD is basically a description of behavior, not an explanation. It answers the question what is happening but not why. Virtually every symptom could be indicative of a spiritual problem as opposed to a medical problem. That is not to say it is a spiritual problem, but that it could be. Christian counselor Ed Welch offers a couple of helpful illustrations in this regard – ones that show discernment and sensitivity in dealing with such children:



Say, for example, that your child is hitting another child because the other child is playing with his toy. This is clearly a spiritual problem. Even though your child may also struggle with inattention and hyper-activity impulsivity, these cannot be excuses for such behavior. Physical problems do not force a child to sin. Of course, it is not always easy to determine the relative contribution of the spiritual and the physical. That is why we must be careful students of those who fit the ADD description. But the basic principle is that we just take Scripture for what it says. If we find that either our behavior or that of our children violates what God says in Scripture, then "the treatment" is to grow in faith and obedience, knowing that the Holy Spirit can give the grace to change.



One word of caution, though. Sometimes children disobey parental commands and there might not be a spiritual problem. Scripture clearly instructs children to obey their parents, so disobeying them would seem like an obvious infraction of God’s law – a spiritual problem. But it is possible that the child did not understand or remember the parental request. Inadequate understanding or forgetting is not sinful in itself. Parents need to be sure that they have not given their child a command that is indecipherable to him as a calculus assignment. Keep your mind on the child and not just on the chore.



What if a child is told to clean her room and doesn’t? Before deciding that this is a spiritual problem, a wise parent must be certain that the child understands what is expected and has adequate help avoiding distractions. What if a child is disruptive at the dinner table? It may be that the child is naturally more active but is also unwilling to listen to parental instruction. In these cases and hundreds of others, parents must know how to address both a sinful heart and an energetic constitution.



One of my own children has learning disabilities. He has very under-developed processing skills. This has been verified through a battery of tests and rigorous analysis by cognitive therapists and other specialists. What led us as parents to have our son undergo such tests? We saw that in school, he just wasn’t "getting it." He had to repeat kindergarten and never did make it into the first grade at First Baptist Christian School, where he was attending. Since graduating from kindergarten, this particular child of ours has been on his own Individual Educational Progam (IEP), as determined by us his parents working with this team of specialists and his teachers.

Our son has a legitimate disability. At the same time, his learning disability makes him susceptible to laziness in his schoolwork. Because he’s not naturally good at it, he often does not want to work at it. This is a spiritual problem whereas his disability is not. Therefore, we as his parents need to discern between his disability and his disobedience or lack of discipline.



Years ago, I remember reading Chuck Swindoll’s book on parenting, You and Your Child. In a chapter entitled, "Those Extra-Special Children," Swindoll affirms that while all children are special and unique in their own personality and make-up (Psalm 139), some children are "extra" special due to "unusual circumstances during the prenatal period or at birth.... These very special gifts from God’s heart to our home require from their parents an extraordinary amount of time, love, understanding, and attention. But the rewards are immeasurable." Swindoll goes on to talk about the adopted child, the handicapped child, the gifted child, the single-parent child, and, yes, the hyper-active child. In talking about all these various situations, Swindoll brings his readers back to "our scriptural home base, Prov. 22:6: 'Train up a child in the way he should go,

Even when he is old, he will not depart from it.'"




Swindoll offers a helpful paraphrase of that verse: "Adapt the training of your child so that is in keeping with his God-given characteristics and tendencies; when he comes to maturity, he will not depart from the training he has received." Much farther into the book, when Swindoll addresses those "special" cases listed above, he says the following regarding hyper-active children:



...Our training methods are to be in keeping with our child’s ‘way’ – his bent, characteristics, and needs.... This is never more important than in the case of a hyperactive child. You, his parent, must remain confident you can handle your child. Your consistent and firm leadership is the key to your child’s training. Don’t relinquish it under any circumstances.... The setting of firm, fair rules is absolutely essential. Follow through. Hyperactive children will need a more structured environment than other children.



Swindoll says many other helpful things, but time and space forbid me from going into them. I would encourage you to order his book for further reading. It’s thirty years old, but still relevant.



Well, two articles and a dozen comments won’t do much to solve the dilemma of ADD/ADHD. That’s not the purpose of this blog. My goal is to get our readership to consider real, everyday issues in light of God’s Word, wrestling with any tensions it may raise with what we do, how we do it, and why. Certainly this includes our mindset and methods in parenting. In closing, let me give you these words of wisdom from Alistair Begg:



In counseling, ... we must recognize the point at which we have to say, "You need specialized help of another sort, not just spiritual help." We may do great damage if we fail to do this, because we may imply the person’s problem is wholly spiritual, when it may be far from that. One way of testing whether or not a person’s problem is spiritual is to apply the spiritual remedy. If that does not suffice, then we must consider the possibility of some other area, besides the spiritual, needing investigation.



These are wise words, in my opinion. In dealing with our problems, or those of our children, we must never minimize, undermine, or rationalize away the biblical, spiritual principles involved. These must be addressed first. Having done that, we have the liberty to pursue other options within the bounds of God’s Word. As we continue to wrestle with issues such as these, may we remember the following exhortations from Romans 14:



Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. . . .

Let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.




Have a good weekend!